When working in communications, we often put a little piece of ourselves into our work.
Your blood, sweat and a few tears into a communication strategy, hours spent on carefully crafted messages, or that presentation that you worked on until midnight. It is a reflection of our expertise, our thinking, and, let’s be honest, a little bit of our ego.
Then, an executive has a “better idea”. An SME rewrites all of your content. The Minister’s Office kills off the launch event you’ve been working on for three months.
In the moment, it feels personal when someone changes your hard work or, worse, doesn’t like the idea at all. It can feel like you failed. You’re terrible at your job. Or everyone is against you.
But here’s the thing: it’s not personal.
This is one of the hardest lessons to learn in communications, and it’s a skill I’m still practising: hold it lightly.
Our work is valuable. It’s not about you.
As communicators, we are often called in to advise, guide and deliver. It requires us to have a growth mindset. We need to be open to feedback and people challenging our ideas.
It means recognising that feedback, while sometimes poorly delivered or not based on evidence, isn’t a reflection of your worth but an opportunity to refine, improve or simply learn more about the people you’re working with.
That beautifully crafted message that didn’t land? Not your failure. An opportunity to build a relationship.
The speech that got completely rewritten? Perhaps it’s not your favourite outcome, but it’s also not the end of the world.
It’s an opportunity to ask questions. Why did you make those changes? Where did you get that information from? Is that the way you prefer to receive information?
Read more: Zanda Wilson on the value that former journalists can bring to communications
Don’t let ego get in the way of impact
When we’re too attached to our ideas, we can lose sight of the purpose of our work. Our job is to connect with others. If that means changing the headline, adjusting the tone, or rewriting some content—even if we liked it better the first way—then sometimes that’s what we need to do.
Of course, you don’t have to agree with every piece of feedback. You can (and should) advocate for best practice and stand your ground when needed. But we also need to learn to choose our battles. Not everything is worth clinging to.
Reframe feedback as collaboration
I try to see feedback as part of the creative process, not the end of it. When someone wants to tweak the message or rework a paragraph, it usually means they’re engaged. They care. They’re bringing their expertise to the table, just like you are.
Remember, these people are often passionate about the topic. They live and breathe it every day. Their feedback isn’t personal. They might have a ‘curse of knowledge’. Or they see things very differently from your communications perspective.
When we reframe the way we think about feedback as a chance for collaboration rather than a personal criticism, we can have more effective conversations and hopefully achieve better outcomes.
Or, every now and then, we can just let it go.
How to hold it lightly in practice
If you find yourself taking that feedback a bit too personally (and we all do, sometimes), try this:
- Pause before reacting. Give yourself space to digest feedback before you respond.
- Ask questions. Understand the why behind the change—there’s usually a good reason.
- Keep perspective. One revised document does not define your value or ability.
- Get outside your bubble. Talk to others, get fresh eyes, and remind yourself that we’re all just trying to do good work.
- Let them. In the words of Mel Robbin’s Let Them Theory, let go of others’ behaviour and focus on what you can do and how you behave.
IT’S REALLY HARD. I won’t lie, but it is good practice to ask yourself. Am I holding this lightly?
Holding it lightly doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough to stay flexible, open and focused on what matters most: creating communications that resonate, engage, and demonstrate your skills.
And that’s what we’re here for.
Melanie Gibbons
Melanie is an accomplished strategic communications leader with over 20 years of experience across the public and private sectors. Known for delivering communications that drive real impact, she has built her career in complex, high-pressure environments - for example, leading communications in climate change administration and regulatory reforms. In 2018, Melanie founded Elm Communications, where she partners with diverse clients to design strategies that build trust, foster connection, and deliver measurable outcomes. Her leadership is defined by a deep commitment to authenticity, human-centred engagement, and demonstrating the tangible value of strategic communication to organisational success. Melanie holds a Master’s in Strategic Communications, is a Strategic Communication Management Professional (IABC) and IAP2 certified.
